Testimony of a blessing

Dear all, I am sharing with you a beautiful experience I had with God on last Friday... This is going to be a very long mail, so please bear with me and read it. As some of you may know, I play on the keyboard for mass every Sunday, in my church. I got my first keyboard 6 years back. The timings for classes weren't convenient, and so I never attended any classes. I just meddled with the instrument every day, and prayed that God teaches me to play music. Soon I learnt to play by ear, the songs I hear. Then I learnt chords. Within one year, I joined the English choir in my church. I still don't know what prompted us (my sister and I) to meet the choir master and ask him permission to play for mass. To my surprise, he agreed. I knew very little about music. I could play a song exactly in the same tune as we sing, with a single finger at a time. I couldn't play chords in their entirety. I knew only the shortcut chords. And I couldn't play without accompaniment.
	Surprisingly, many congratulated me now and then, on my ability to play by ear (since I didn’t know notes). This made me complacent, and I wasn't motivated to learn further. So, for about 5 years, I played in the same fashion........till November 2009. A new boy joined our choir, and he was a master at the piano. I couldn't even compare the way we played. His music was far superior compared to mine. The first idea that came to my mind was to run away. I felt I had done a good job for five years, and I decided to hand over the responsibility to him. The truth was, I didn’t want to face the humiliation that comes when you play side by side with a music genius. I told him to take over and he did. I was content to just sing along with the others. All but one friend was happy with this decision. She (Sagai) told me that God just required our availability. It didn’t matter if I couldn't play like him. Everyone is called to do something for God, and I had just turned down that offer. I didn’t listen to her.
I couldn't bear the humiliation. There were times, when this boy couldn't make it to the mass, and when I played at those times, my choir would criticize me, saying he played better.(they hadn't felt it till then)... Then it happened that this boy left to a different place to pursue his higher studies, and my choir had no other option than to put up with my music. The criticism continued. At this junction, I met a friend who was part of a band. He plays on the keyboard and plays really well. He too was like me, he didn’t know notes, he prayed and learnt the instrument. I didn’t have enough faith to pray and believe that God will teach me like he taught my friend. He’s my senior at college, and one day he was telling me how there will be no one to lead praise and worship in our college prayer group, once he leaves this year. I carefully didn’t tell him that I play for my choir. Why should I? I have seen my friend play, I know what I play, and I know the stark difference in the way we way. I know what was happening in my choir. Should I risk humiliation again? But my friend got to know somehow. From then on, my friend kept asking me to take up the responsibility. I kept refusing and I even told my friend, that I knew nothing about the keyboard. Then I attended a retreat someday, and God promised me that I would lead praise and worship someday. It meant a lot to me. Though I had refused every offer that came my way, and I was playing for my church choir, only because they couldn’t find someone else to play, I know that I was yearning to play really well. I wanted to play for God, but I just couldn’t face the shame and pain you get when you are tested. That is the Devil’s powerful weapon against us, and I fell a prey to it. After that retreat, I just walked up to my friend, and asked him permission to play just one song for the mass. That song didn’t turn out well. Though I felt sad, somehow I felt very peaceful. And I knew that God would make that promise come true. My friend’s testimony of how he put up with even greater humiliation, just to learn the instrument, inspired some hope in me. Then I asked my friend to help me learn that instrument, so I can take up the responsibility when he leaves. My friend agreed. My own keyboard got repaired. I borrowed a small one from a friend and prayed that I learn properly. Our practice sessions started. My friend tried to teach me how we can play. But I couldn’t follow properly what he said. Music calls for creativity, and I knew I had little creativity in me. We practiced this way and that, but I only went home surer that I would never learn that instrument. I had no hope at all. But I did keep practicing what my friend kept teaching me. Along with this, came the painful process of unlearning some of the things I had learnt previously. Day after day passed with no hope and (I assumed) no progress. Then I bought a new keyboard because the one at home had no touch sensitivity, which is essential to give the song its feeling. The keyboard cost me a whopping Rs.37000. The only thing that kept drove me to do all this, was the promise God gave me at the retreat. I kept practicing like this for the last 3-4 months. On Friday night, I was desperate! I had bought a new keyboard for such a huge price, just hoping I will learn to play, but I couldn’t produce good music. What I played was dry; there was no life in what I played. I just couldn’t take it anymore. For about three months I had kept asking God to teach me, day and night I asked him, and NOTHING had happened. I asked God why he let my friend talk me into taking up this responsibility. I asked him why he gave me that promise. Why did he let me buy the keyboard? Why he taught my friend, and didn’t teach me? Why he had inspired hope in me, and now left it in pieces? For five years I have been playing on the instrument. And for the last 4 months, I was trying to learn it in real earnest. All that had gone for a waste. My heart ached, and I cried out to God. Lord, if you will not help me learn this instrument, why are you giving me the desire to worship you, why are you sending me so many offers when you know I can’t play? What AM I SUPPOSED TO DO now? After crying for a long time, I felt I must praise God. But, I was so sure that nothing good will ever happen to me as far as music is concerned. Maybe, I just didn’t have it in me. I gave up the idea of praising God, and went to play on the keyboard, without any expectation, without any hope, even without a desire to learn to play. I just ran my fingers over the keys. After some 5 minutes, I had just practiced some pattern when I realized that the song made sense. I kept building on it and praise be to God, I played a full song in half an hour! There was life in my music! For five years, I felt no life in the music I played. But, now, I felt that music reawakening life within me. I played that same song till one o’ clock that night. I must have played it some 50 times. The song goes like this “In His time, In His time, He makes all things beautiful, In His time….” How true! I thought that all I had learnt in the past 5 years, especially the last 4 months, was a waste of time. But as I continued playing, I realized that I was only polishing what I learnt then. God had been answering my prayer every time I had practiced. He had been teaching me ALL THIS WHILE. Now, all those lessons were taking form in my song, and the song was amazing! The next morning I woke up and played another song, and it too turned out beautiful. Yesterday (Sunday), I practiced hard and left for choir practice. I played this song there, and a puzzled choir looked at me. I could see the surprise in their eyes, and the happiness on Sagai’s face. The mass started, and I felt life flow into EVERY song that I played. When mass got over, Sagai rushed to me and whispered “IT WAS AWESOME!” It was the happiest day of my life. I came home, and kept smiling from ear to ear till I went to sleep that night. This doesn’t mean that I have mastered the instrument. I still have lots to learn, but now, I HAVE HOPE! And my music has life! I believe beyond doubt that God will fulfill His promise to me. And I know, he will. To Him alone, belongs all Praise and Glory! Regards, Janet Chennai,India. http://jesualdo.co.nr/ The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor. The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything! PRAISE GOD BLESSED BE THE ONE WHO COMES IN THE NAME OF THE LORD